wren+commentary

**// A commentary on underaged drinking by Kendra Ackerman, a Language Arts instructor at Arapahoe High School in Littleton, Colorado. //** Handmade stars shine from our hallway ceilings. Make-a-Wish week stretches to fulfill dreams, but this week became dead hopes. Phrases like “We love you, Martin,” and “Jason Wren forever” had been handwritten on various stars.
 * [[image:DCP_0023.JPG width="144" height="215" align="right"]]Hundreds mourn, few accept accountability **

Two freshmen, one on the brink of adulthood, one stepping into adolescence, **dead.**

One made a choice in the matter; the other lost to fate. Martin was overcome by a chance battle with pneumonia. If Jason was overcome, perhaps it was by his own youthful ignorance. Perhaps one could say that he was overcome by the University of Kansas and their loose policies concerning alcohol; perhaps one could blame his parents for their laissez-faire parenting strategy. We should not place blame at all, but, it is human nature. We need someone to be blame for such a waste of human promise.

Only 19, Jason’s youth could explain his naiveté. Most teenagers have a sense of indestructibility, and many of them poorly choose alcohol to demonstrate their mettle. College freshmen all over the country make these choices and survive. Jason didn’t, and so I ask “Why?” What made Jason different? As a teacher at his high school, I listened to various descriptions, talked his friends, and read numerous tributes to this dead young man. And I can simply say, he seemed //normal.// Not //exceptional// in our exceptional high school, but he was smart enough—taking college-preparatory classes, participating in various sports, and earning the title of “well-liked” by principals, coaches, and teachers. He had “the right friends,” successful A.P. students who were also popular athletes and bound for prestigious colleges.


 * He still died. **

Those “right friends” deeply mourn.

Jason seemed the model friend that every parent wants to raise: diligent and meticulous with his own work, friends said he helped them with their homework long after his was done. Yet, they also admitted he had been a drinker since early high school. Before heading to his funeral, Ben, his best friend, stopped to visit me.

“Ackerman,” he said. “We knew he drank. We all drank; we still do. But we were careful, just like our parents told us to be. I never expected anything bad would happen.” I wondered, after sandy-haired, smart, but sluggish Ben left my office, whether that’s what made Jason different. The newly-christened “play-it-safe” parenting strategy had struck out for Jason.

Nonetheless, we cannot ignore KU and his fraternity, Sigma Alpha Epsilon. After pointing the finger at the deceased himself, outsiders place significant onus on universities and their Greek chapters. Because of this, universities throughout the country have tightened policies concerning drinking, and institutions such as CU have shut down recalcitrant brotherhoods. While KU does, apparently, have a policy regarding alcohol and dorm life, they have done little to hold Sigma Alpha Epsilon accountable. In one interview, the KU president expressed sadness at Jason’s death, but said the fraternity would not be found negligent. The fraternity president and alumni capitalized on their unity as brothers and emphasized the care brothers gave to Jason by noticing he’d had too many and carrying him to bed after he’d passed out.

**He still died.**

Yet, in our society, I am not surprised by the university’s and fraternity’s responses.

Entertainment celebrates the ruckus, alcohol-enlivened frat house, equipped with industrial-strength plastic tubing and a kegerator. //Don’t worry, boys, you don’t even need a cup or your own hands, we’ll funnel it down your gullet! //Everything from //Animal House// to //Clueless; American Pie// to //Gossip Girl—//each shows college kids and even high schoolers having a few too many, but surviving, because it’s just a part of life...a seeming rite-of-passage that we all experience and enjoy.

We have a college presidents coalition who argues that, if we change the drinking age, we will cut down on the binge drinking that occurs with the youngest students. Various presidents from Middlebury College to Virginia Tech consider the main problem on campus being underaged students attending parties sponsored by legal students. “ They argue the current drinking law pushes drinking underground, where alcohol abuse, in the form of binge drinking games, is rampant. (Maybe if they were allowed to go into bars they’d be socialized to drink moderately). One of the solutions is to lower the drinking age to 18, in the hopes that young people will lay off the binge drinking, which will no longer be criminalized, and learn the responsibility of drinking like they do driving.” This coalition has done their research; they present convincing evidence to support their claims, yet I cannot embrace such logic. Somehow, in order to combat an epidemic where “ more than 40 percent of college students reported at least one symptom of alcohol abuse or dependence, ” we make that poison more readily available to them.

And Jason makes 158 youths who have died of alcohol poisoning in the past ten years.

While this college coalition suggests teens will learn responsible drinking, they provide no further directives about how to do so. And, if some, like KU, are unwilling to hold fraternities responsible when something terrible does happen, we should expect a change in drinking age to exacerbate this drunken scourge.

Nonetheless, Jason Wren’s father followed the logic of these college presidents and gave his son a safe place to experiment. Perhaps Jason received responsible drinking instruction.


 * He still died. **

Countless conversations occurred this spring—at lunch time, in classrooms, around dinner tables—about underaged drinking. From what I can gather, most adults, teachers excluded, agree with Jay Wren: teenaged drinking is an inevitability, so parents might as well give their children a safe place to drink. These are well-educated adults who understand the drive and work necessary to thrive in the real world. These are truly involved, deeply concerned caregivers who know that the child’s emotional health is sometimes more important than the permanent record.

These are financially successful yuppies who grew up during the 70’s and 80’s. These are genuine parents who have decided that it’s better to be their children’s friends. These are parents who tried a few things and survived, so they see no harm in their children following a similar path.

Jay Wren was one such parent. Admitting that Jason was a drinker in high school, Jay advocated for himself by saying, “Jason was a good kid, and he always drank with good kids.” This is where I stopped, open-mouthed, eyebrows raised to wonder:

l How does on quantify ‘good kids’? l When did it become acceptable to be an underaged drinker at all? l Why was this route the most acceptable parenting strategy?

Now, I’ve heard the arguments for such an approach. You may say, “People tried Prohibition, and it didn’t work. When you tell people they can’t do something, they want to do it all the more. Come on; kids are going to drink anyway. It’s important we give them a safe place to try it out. Somewhere with boundaries.” Doesn’t this reasoning strike hollow when we consider the end result?

When did it become wrong to teach kids about good choices, the old //Just Say No//, //if your friends jumped off a cliff, would you//? approach?

Why are we as parents and adults so unwilling to tell our kids no, to talk honestly to our kids about consequences of bad choices, and be truthful about right and wrong, black and white?

Mourning Jason’s death should not include placing blame. Whether we say Jason was young and ignorant, his friends too impulsive and good at playing the game, KU is too lax in enforcing its alcohol policy, or his father was too permissive a parent, **Jason still died**. No blame fills up the space where a vibrant life once lived. Instead, we must consider our own roles as individuals, friends, educators, and parents. What might we change to protect our young from such an end?